Your Cheatin' Stomach, Part 2

Okay, a few points of note for those who either want the band or have it already:

1. This shit ain't easy.

2. Congrats on the band! Now here are all your old bad eating habits.

Yes, those habits don't go away. I felt like all of my bad, evil, no-good habits were melted away when I walked out of the surgery center (I was kinda in a lot of pain at the time and thinking I'd never want to eat again), but they followed me home.

The worst habit I have is emotional eating. I like to treat myself to something nice as compensation for the shitty things that happen in life. Life isn't fair, so have a cookie. I didn't realize how big of a crutch this was until lately.

Yesterday: So, we're totally poor right now. Completely without money. The bank account's overdrawn. We're moving to sell my car this weekend to make a quick $2k to pay some delinquent bills. (Things are so bad we almost had the power and water shut off. Our cable has been shut off at this point, and we've been a week without any kind of television at all, even local stations. No internet, either.) I take my car to get some gas (as the tank was nearly as empty as my bank account) and a quick car wash to prettify it for a potential buyer. This was a depressing act, truly, as I love my car and the freedom it affords. Yes, we will save $300 per month in gas and insurance costs. Yes, it's good for air quality to carpool places with the Husband. But c'mon, it's a huge dent in your freedom to have to wait after work for your ride to show up, be it the Husband or a bus.

After taking my car through the car wash, I could feel the stress and sadness build up. I stopped at Taco Bell next door and ordered a bean burrito and a bottle of water. I figured that the protein in the burrito would be "good" for me. Well, I inhaled half the burrito in about a minute and had to bodily remove the rest of it from my presence before I gobbled up the rest. Faced with increasing sadness and now no food pacifer, I started to cry. And wail. And sob my damn fool heart out. Alllll the way home.

Lesson learned? Emotional eating is still a huge problem. It will continue to be a problem. I will have to find alternate coping mechanisms, or be a huge teary mess all the time.