Bread's For the Birds!

Or at least the bottom bun of my cheeseburger was at lunch. I tossed it out my car window at the assorted birdies, who were thrilled at the carb influx.

I weighed in at 375 this morning. I've been that weight before but I think it was a bad weigh-in, as I jumped up to 383 the next morning. Talk about a shock. I doubt I could put on 6 pounds in a single day on mushy foods. So, right, I'm doing well.

I'm particularly proud that I'm finally combating emotional eating. Things haven't been happy around my homestead, with us being severely in debt and my husband not really speaking to me (no, I don't really know why, but I have theories.) With all of this going around I've been feeling some terrible anxiety, but I've been dealing OK this week with it all. I'm even feeling some sort of restriction occasionally, which I think is stress-induced, but nevertheless is very helpful when you don't want to be overeating.

TGIF, you guys. T to the G to the fuckin' IF.

Whee?

I couldn't think of a title for this post, just so you know. Hence the lameness.

So, this weekend was pretty shitty. It was nice to have time off but we have no money and my husband's acting kinda funny lately, so no fun was had by anyone at all. We were supposed to have a golfing party at a local course, and even that got canceled. Pffft.

I did, however, get back into cooking. It's not my favorite activity by any means, but I have learned that the strangely-portioned outer world is not band friendly. Like, even a little bit. So it's a good idea to make your own stuff. I started out by whipping up a batch of cottage cheese pancakes, per Eggface's instructions. (Her web site is fanTAStic. Recipes galore and lots of "food porn." Hee hee.) They turned out pretty well, although my husband was not thrilled. I made a batch with banana pudding mix and strawberry preserves. Pretty good, although I could not find sugar-free versions of this stuff at Fresh and Easy.

On Sunday I made a spinach frittata, courtesy of the Knorr's spinach soup mix packet. I used six eggs instead of eight to conserve resources. It was pretty good, although not quite as fluffy as some frittatas I've had. I blame the two eggs' absence. When it was done it looked a bit like spinach souffle, and strangely, it seemed like the spinach and seasonings floated to the top, leaving an eggy bottom. Is that possible? No clue. When I got myself a slice of frittata I topped it with some jarred Prego sauce. It was tasty stuff.

I'm looking forward to more kitchen adventures. I think it makes more sense for a bandster to make most of their own food than to rely on pre-made stuff.

Your Cheatin' Stomach, Part 2

Okay, a few points of note for those who either want the band or have it already:

1. This shit ain't easy.

2. Congrats on the band! Now here are all your old bad eating habits.

Yes, those habits don't go away. I felt like all of my bad, evil, no-good habits were melted away when I walked out of the surgery center (I was kinda in a lot of pain at the time and thinking I'd never want to eat again), but they followed me home.

The worst habit I have is emotional eating. I like to treat myself to something nice as compensation for the shitty things that happen in life. Life isn't fair, so have a cookie. I didn't realize how big of a crutch this was until lately.

Yesterday: So, we're totally poor right now. Completely without money. The bank account's overdrawn. We're moving to sell my car this weekend to make a quick $2k to pay some delinquent bills. (Things are so bad we almost had the power and water shut off. Our cable has been shut off at this point, and we've been a week without any kind of television at all, even local stations. No internet, either.) I take my car to get some gas (as the tank was nearly as empty as my bank account) and a quick car wash to prettify it for a potential buyer. This was a depressing act, truly, as I love my car and the freedom it affords. Yes, we will save $300 per month in gas and insurance costs. Yes, it's good for air quality to carpool places with the Husband. But c'mon, it's a huge dent in your freedom to have to wait after work for your ride to show up, be it the Husband or a bus.

After taking my car through the car wash, I could feel the stress and sadness build up. I stopped at Taco Bell next door and ordered a bean burrito and a bottle of water. I figured that the protein in the burrito would be "good" for me. Well, I inhaled half the burrito in about a minute and had to bodily remove the rest of it from my presence before I gobbled up the rest. Faced with increasing sadness and now no food pacifer, I started to cry. And wail. And sob my damn fool heart out. Alllll the way home.

Lesson learned? Emotional eating is still a huge problem. It will continue to be a problem. I will have to find alternate coping mechanisms, or be a huge teary mess all the time.

Your Cheatin'... Stomach?

Yesterday I ate stuff I'm not supposed to.

The day before that I ate stuff I'm not supposed to.

The good news is, I no longer want those things. The short-term gratification was very short-term, as I immediately felt awful and wondered just what the hell I'd done to myself.

The bad news is it has put a little stop in my weight loss. I'm not too upset about that as I can always rebound back. I'm still in my third week, I'm going to make mistakes. I can get back on the wagon before it rounds the corner.

Was I right to cheat on my mooshy foods diet? Not really. Do I feel bad about it? Only kinda. I have learned from the experience and I am betting that I will look back on these little cheats as object lessons. The next time I want something really bad I will think twice about it. Do I want to have it now and feel yucky later, or should I just eat what I'm supposed to now and feel great about it later?

Right, and you lot better not post comments about how bad I've been to cheat. Everyone cheats on their diets, banded or not, so I don't want any righteous indignation posts. If you haven't cheated yet, good for you. It doesn't mean that you will never cheat.

In other news, THE STAPLES ARE GONE. Thank heavens. They itched terribly. They put some steri-strips on, which fell off immediately. These things are useful why?? There is one left on one incision. Wherps.

Whey More Protein

Went to GNC last night. GNC and I have a combative relationship. Whenever I've been in there before I get looks like, "WTF are you doing here? You're not a body-builder, obviously." Talking to the staff at GNC has previously been a total waste of time, as they try to sell me huge vats of stuff I don't need and/or can't afford. I was pleasantly surprised at the South Phoenix location, however. I will be back. I even have a Gold Card now.

I came in wanting some whey protein powder to add to food. I wanted one that was as unflavored as possible, because I need to add it to things like eggs, cottage cheese, soups, etc. I picked up something unflavored, but it said it was a drink only. Hmm. I asked the fellow at the desk and he brought up a canister of Any Whey, a protein powder made specifically for the purpose of adding protein to foods. Eureka!! It was a tad expensive ($26 for a little over a pound.... yeesh) but I think it's for the best.

I also bought two Isopure Zero Carb bottled drinks. These suckers are 20 oz. of artificially sweetened liquid with a whopping 40 grams of protein in each. Dang, thas a lotta protein. I'm drinking the Blue Raspberry flavor right now, and it's verrrrryyyyyy sweet. It's not unpleasant, however, and I think I prefer this to chugging some icky chocolate protein shake. These are expensive bottles, however ($4!!) so I won't be buying too many of them. Yikes.

I hope all this protein will keep my hair from falling out. I want my hair to stay put.

2 Week Bandiversary!

Whee, two weeks since the surgery! I'm not experiencing any pain and I'm not dying of extreme hunger.

I'm starting to regain control over my eating. I simply can't stop at fast food places by myself right now. That will probably change, but for now, I must police myself.

My post-op appointment is on the 15th. Hope I get some good news! (And they take out the staples. They are itchy itchy itchy. Gaaah.)

Yeeeuuuuccckkkkkk

Okay, I kinda need to get ahold of myself.

I can feel myself headed toward some pretty poor habits. The past couple of days I've had some convenience/restaurant foods, and I think as a result I'm eating more. There's just something still so odd about ordering something and not finishing it.

Today in point, I stopped by Taco Bell for mushyfood. I had some cheesy potatoes and their pintos and cheese. I ate all of the potatoes and most of the pintos (although the portions aren't huge for either, they are probably slightly more than I should be eating!) and I felt rather ill afterwards. First, the pintos are nothing but a sodium BOMB. I have never had anything so salty in my whole life. It was really disgusting. The potatoes were okay, but probably didn't have a whole lot in it that I should be eating.

For dinner tonight I heated up some frozen spinach souffle. It's pretty good stuff, but again, I realize that it has a whole lotta sodium. I ended up eating a little more than half of it (!!!!!!) and put aside a small portion for lunch. This is not good.

I need to take a step back and get into the right foodstuffs. I think tomorrow I may ply myself with a thermos filled with herbal tea and all protein shakes. It will be a bit of a detox from my (slight) overindulgences.

That's what's tricky about the (lap) band: there's still a lot of room to sabotage your weight loss.

Weekend Past. Long Past? No, My Past.

I had to work on Saturday, which rather bit, but afterward I headed out with the Parents to a movie and dinner at the Tempe Marketplace. Woo doggy, have THEY done some interesting work there lately! It's very spiffy and highly hip, slightly more fun than a mere temple to commercialism that it threatened to be when they built it.

We ate at Maria Maria, a gorgeous Mexican restaurant that's just a week old. The food's spicy, the exotic tequila and rum beverages flow freely, and the menu isn't entirely friendly to someone 10 days past bad surgery. No real mushies here, folks, and it's all rather spicy. Doh. I had the tortilla soup, which was deeevine, but had a hint of spice that made my tummy hurt a tad. I had a tiny bit of sangria before dinner, way less than I would have before surgery. (I'm known to consume a fair amount of booze at a sitting, especially lovely sangria. So this is a big deal not to gulp it all down and scream for mas!)

On Sunday the Husband and I went to Mimi's, where I dug out the inside of a cheddar and broccoli quiche. Quiche innerds are probably very good for mushy-food bandsters, as it's full of protein and calcium. It was tasty and I felt like a real person eating it, as opposed to a diner in the midst of culinary purgatory.

I did not accompany the Husband to his boss' weekend BBQ party, which I feel slightly bad about. I still don't feel like going into a group of interested strangers and have to explain why I'm not eating or drinking anything. When the usual social lubricants of grilled food and carbonated alcoholic beverages are not available, it leaves one rather naked to the mercies of strangers. Although I'd met most of these people before, I still feel like I don't know them, and I didn't want to answer questions. It felt far safer and nicer to spend time with my family, who understood why I couldn't even eat a fourth of my soup and merely sipped at a drink.

When will I feel able to go out freely amongst the world? Hopefully soon. There's a company happy hour next Monday that I should really attend.

PS -- "Leatherheads" is really very funny. I want someone to come and do my hair in that lovely '20s style.

Imagine Organic Soups

I'm not really a fan of organic foods. My sister - the bio-chem grad student - tells me organic's the bunk. I want to be "green" and all that but something about this organic thing seems a tad fishy to me. Further, the organic products I've tried have run the gamut from highly odd to just okay.

However, if you're like me (and I know I am), you are willing to dabble in organic stuff, especially when it's a product that you need. I bought some Imagine brand organic soups at the grocery store the other night because A) they are in recloseable containers, which is good for a bandster who can only eat about 4 oz. at a time, and B) they were already pureed, saving me the trouble. Sure, I have a blender. Yes, I have a Cuisinart, but it's still in the box from X-mas. (Don't tell momma.) The idea of slaving over a hot stove, then slinging the boiling soup ingredients into the blender/Cuisinart doesn't sound very good at the moment, especially since I still can't be trusted with solid food right now. I know this will improve, but for now, pre-pureed is a good idea.

The first soup I've tried is the creamy potato and leek soup. It's very smooth, perhaps a little more watery than I would like, but it has a good, rich flavor. It's very leek-y in taste. I had my 4 oz. of it for lunch and it filled me pretty nicely. It doesn't have a lot of protein in it, however, so if you're looking for a protein punch it might be better to add some unflavored whey powder. (I don't have any yet. I really need to get some. If you know of a good powder, please let me know.)

I think if you're a person NOT on the (lap) band, you might want to punch this up a bit with more potatoes, some onions, perhaps some sun-dried tomatoes, so it's not so watery and flat.

If you really lurve the soup, you can buy it on Amazon here. Imagine makes other flavors, like cream of brocolli and sweet pea soup. I'll be trying the pea soup next.

Random Act of Kindness!

I have to work today (Saturday) so I thought I'd treat myself with a tall skinny vanilla latte from Starbucks. (I pause in this tale to let you know that I really don't condone the use of food as a form of reward. It builds very poor eating habits, and I wish people wouldn't do it. But I did anyway. This makes me a situational hypocrite. *thumbs up*) Of all the Starbucks drinks, this one's probably one of the more band-friendly. It's low in calories, low in sugar, and has a couple of grams of protein.

So, I finally pull up to the little window to nab my latte from the nice barista, and she informs me that the driver in front of me has paid for my drink. I was gobsmacked! I'd heard of things like this happening at Starbucks before, but I would have never guessed it would happen to me, or that it would happen at the Starbucks in South Phoenix. I was informed that this good samaritan does this once or twice every month. Wow.

Who was this paragon of kindness? I only got the barest glance of him in his rear-view mirror as he turned the corner in the drive-thru. He looked to be a tough-looking, attractive black man, perhaps in his thirties or forties. He was in a Nissan Armada (SUVs are the devil, I think, but I do love me some Nissan SUVs. Mmm, Titan and Armada and... yes, hypocrite, keep up) and had a sticker on the back window that indicated he was part of some firefighters' union. Now if you're like me (and I know I am) you know that all firefighters are not only universally gorgeous, but absolute frakking heroes. This is one fella who does NOT need to buy silly girls Starbucks drinks to up his karma. But he did it anyway.

Thank you, anonymous (and handsome) provider of my skinny vanilla latte. I really appreciated the gesture (particularly because we're sorta poor at this point and I probably shouldn't be spending $3.25 on a latte... ) I know now that I probably should have paid for the next car's drink when you paid for mine. I was so startled I didn't think of it at the time. I will do it next time.

Extra Mooooshy Potatoes with Laughing Cow

Eight days past surgery and I'm already feeling nagging food cravings.

It isn't really one kind of food I crave, but rather FOOD in general. Three weeks of liquids (dear heaven, how did I manage it?) and I want to eat like a human being again. Humans aren't meant to live only on hyped-up protein powder shakes with unpronounceable additive names. Protein shakes are not only really gross, but entirely fake and unorganic. Sure, we banders need the protein, but does it need to come in the form of over-sweet faux chocolate gritty-bits in water? NAST-YYY.

Also: Do you really think that by calling it a "shake" we will think it's a treat of some sort? Bitch, PLEASE. If this is a treat, somebody punish me. Hard.

I can eat mushy/full-liquid foods now, which quenches at least some of the food trolls that noisily live under my brain-bridge. I've had cottage cheese and mashed potatoes - separately, of course - with success. They are heavenly little foods after the grit and gross.

I'm particularly fond of the mashed potatoes, which is a favorite comfort food. I bought a carton of prefab Country Crock mashed spuds and have been parsing it out to myself in 4-tablespoon increments. I added a little 1% milk and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spray to punch it up a bit. I even added a sprinkling of non-fat cheddar slices to add flavor and protein. It tastes pretty derned fair, and it seems to go down the gullet with ease. Eeeexcellent.

Well, tonight, I decided to get a little fun-kay with the potatoes. (That sounds dirty. Grand.) I was reaching for the usual non-fat cheddar when I ran across a round of Laughing Cow Light Garlic & Herb Cheese. Hey, these are tasty lil' wedgies of cheese product, lemme tell ya. The garlic flavor is good, it's low in fat and calories, and it has 2.5 grams of protein per little wedge.

So I says to self - mm, self? - let's moosh up one of these wedges in the taters. Crazy! Well, it worked. The garlic-y flavor added to the mooshy potatoes nicely. The cheese melted well and didn't turn all weird and rubbery. I'm not sure the happy cows of Laughing Cow meant their cheese to be used in this fashion, but it worked. It tasted like a real treat. It's a good dinner to have while I'm waiting on the fourth season of Battlestar Galactica to begin.

What do potatoes with "La Vache Qui Rit" have to do with Galactica? Nothing at all. It's my blog, back it down, sister.

So, try Laughing Cow Light Garlic & Herb cheese wedges. You can find 'em at the grocery store. Your mooshed taters will thank you. And the Laughing Cow people will thank you, too.

And knowing is half the battle.

Getting to Know You... Or Rather, Me

Hi. Cathie here.

So, I started a blog about my lap band journey.

I'm pretty sure many other people have done this same thing. I'm pretty sure I don't care. Why not? I suspect that there are people out there who have a lap band now, are considering it for the future, or know someone who fits into those first two categories, and who could really use more information, or at least a first-person account, of how this band-thing works.

Here's how it went down for me:

Tried to get the banding done about three years ago. I was turned down by my insurance and the company I was working with went belly-up. So much for that.

Fast-forward to 2008. The banding thing had rattled around in my brain - and the brains of my family - since the initial failure. I ran out of excuses and piled on more weight after graduate school. After a little gentle prodding from my family - and no small amount of promised assistance with payment - I made another appointment with a different company. I attended a consult at True Results in Scottsdale. I liked what I heard. I went on a two-week liquid diet that I hated. I pushed back the surgery fears and underwent surgery on March 27, 2008. Dr. Gowen Nirmul performed the open laproscopic procedure, a short little surgery that resulted in four small incisions held together by little staples.

The first few days after surgery were painful. The largest incision - the port incision - hurt the most. I couldn't even think of eating for the first three days. Now I am eight days post-surgery and can finally bend over without clobbering myself.

So, as I start this blog, I'm still in the early learning stages. I will post what I learn. Maybe it will help someone. I'd like that.

Why rock the band? There are some things in life you can't do halfway. If you're going to drink a chocolate martini, make it a Godiva. Half-hearted sex is boring and can result in cramps in unfortunate places. Aerosmith wouldn't be nearly as much fun if they didn't flaunt and strut across the stage. If you're gonna get the band, you better rock it. Make the most of it. That's what I hope to do.